Almost all of the candidates in the local body elections have outined their grand ambitions for Wellington, but we haven’t heard what they promise not to do when people aren’t looking.
For the record, if I'm elected to public office I wholeheartedly promise not to:
- Watch pornography in a Hamilton hotel. Or any hotel for that matter. Heck, I promise not to watch pornography full stop.
- Forget my personal credit card when buying Christmas presents for my family. Unless of course it’s a really good present like a light sabre or a pogo stick, which will really test my powers of resistance.
- Dance in public. Dancing politicians are a health and safety issue and are best regulated by OSH.
- Get into a fight with Michael Laws over the virtues of heels and mascara.
- As a general catch all, act in a manner that will upset my wife. She may be small, but has a surprisingly high power to weight ratio.
Candidate for Wellington City Council - Northern Ward